once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize