I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
