he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My life is pants optional.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
