So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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