My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
