The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
