yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
