Welp...herpes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
