Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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