I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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