Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize