Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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