I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
