I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize