i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
