She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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