After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
