I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
