dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize