somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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