Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
