dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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