Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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