I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
