Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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