in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
