i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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