If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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