did you get engaged???
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
