I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
