my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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