Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
