Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
there is glitter all over my balls
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
