Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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