Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
