And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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