I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
