i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
