Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
