dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
