Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
COCAINE IS GR8
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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