i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This toilet bowl is my home.
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