kristin has been a bad kristin
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
