why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
