Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
