Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
