tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize