A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
