She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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