I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize