I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
