he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
