a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
