You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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