Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
