You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
