And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
