Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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