shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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