Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
