i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
