Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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