either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
