I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
