do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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