i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
