i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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