can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
