Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
