I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
