He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
