just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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