hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
